Beware The Puffy Can: On Culinary Mimicry

Today was a resting day. Which meant I got a lot of things done.

Of interest: I decided to do a bit of gastronomic experimentation. The Yale Dining Halls every once in a while have these fruit bar things: a layered sort of bar dessert with some sort of fruit middle layer. I really like them, and I even stock up whenever they have them to devour over the ensuing week. Today I decided to see if I could recreate them.

In theory they're pretty simple: some sort of crumble/cookie/pie crust dough, pat into the pan, lay on the filling, and top with another layer of the dough.

I decided to base the dough portion on something that resembles a shortbread/sugar cookie. One feature of Yale's bar things is that they mix rolled oats into the dough to give it some texture and health benefit. It just so happens that there's a big container of raw rolled oats in my house after a brief foray into eating oatmeal daily to try to lower cholesterol (not mine). As such, there's a ton left, and they're beginning to get old.

Here's the loose recipe I came up with:

Yale Fruit Bars (Ver. 1.0)

Dough:
-1 cup all-purpose flour
-1 cup rolled oats
-1/4 cup granulated sugar
-3 tbs. honey (I used clover. I honestly can't tell the difference between honeys.)
-4 tbs. melted unsweetened butter
-a splash of vanilla (or however much comes out when you bump your arm against the refrigerator)
-some cinnamon (or however much it takes to make the dough look like the skin of a teenager with bad acne. The speckling, not the color.)

Fruit Filling:
-1 can cling peaches
-2 tbs. granulated sugar

or

-1 can fruit pie filling (Strawberry had the most recent expiration date. A little over a year ago.)

Combine all the dough ingredients into a bowl. Preferably one just slightly too small for all the ingredients, causing you to spill most of it on the counter. The final consistency should feel like really dry play-dough, crumbly, but able to be pressed into a ball. Divide dough mixture in half. Press half of the mixture into a 9x9 baking pan. Bake the bottom layer of the bars at 350F for 20 min until light/medium brown. Test how hot the oven is by tapping the metal rack with your hand. Don't believe the oven thermometer. The machines are trying to deceive you.

To prepare the peach filling, drain all syrup from the peaches, and combine with sugar in a food processor. The final consistency should be like baby food. Also make sure to use a can of peaches two years past its expiration date. I've always been told that as long as the can isn't puffy, it isn't botulism. Use pie filling as is. Spread a thin layer over the bottom layer (somewhere between icing a cake and buttering toast. About 3mm for you quantitative folks). Place back in the oven and bake for another 10 minute to let the fillings set up. Remove from oven and press top layer of dough onto the fruit filling. Return and bake until medium brown, around another 20 minutes.

Here's the finished product:

Some thoughts. Not bad for a first attempt. It wasn't un-tasty, it just fell short of recreating the Yale fruit bars.
Things to improve:
-The bake time is absolutely ridiculous. Not baking something for an hour. Cranking up the heat next time. As Aunty Marialani says,you can either bake the chicken at 850F for 1 minute, or 5F for 4 days. Love Aunty Marialani, made the day much much better. You all need to watch the whole thing. (Also, this one, also from Rap Reiplinger).

-The oats should be toasted prior to baking.

-Not sure if the sugar/shortbread cookie base is the best. Perhaps I'll try something more crumbly along the lines of the topping to Apple Brown Betty. Brown sugar instead of white. Also might try a pie crust base as well. Since I plan on toasting before, I might try a granola type base as well.

-Also, the ones at Yale have shredded coconut in the dough as well.

-I don't think the butter is the right shortening. I want something a little crispier. Sub a combination of margarine and canola oil for the butter to play around with texture.

-Need to work on the fruit filling. Will try some sort of jam or preserve. Preferably one that isn't 2 years expired. If I die tomorrow, it was the food poisoning. There's a sample of the offending pastry in my oven. Test it. Find out what killed me. Find a medium, and relay the results of the analysis. I'd be curious as hell (or heaven, as it were). If I just get sick, you'll all hear about it in graphic detail.

On Building A Bottle Rocket Launcher

So I had this crazy idea that I would make bottle rockets with my kids this coming week. I fondly recall doing this in 7th grade, and the excitement and enthusiasm this project brought to everyone involved. Then I started planning out the nitty gritty.

One thing I failed to consider fully was how to actually launch these rockets. In 7th grade, the launch pads had been around the school for several years, made by some ambitious teacher years ago. I had no such resources, and set about to making my own launch pad.

I've never been one to look at pre-made plans devised by others, preferring to rough it out, and find my own way to doing things. So I set about designing my own launch pad. After some thought, I came up with these rather detailed blueprints on the back of a piece of 3/4" plywood:
However, I had failed to take into account a rather crucial element: I had no way to pressurize the rocket. I had an electric pump suited to fill up car tires, but this would not work. What would the children do as I filled up their rockets with a flip of a red switch? I would rather have the kids themselves pump up their rockets, since that's part of the fun. No, I would need a manual pump for this project. A manual pump I did not have. After debating with myself on whether to shell out the $10.23 for a Bell Bike Pump, since that amounts to an strenuous hour of yelling, running, and shepherding children, I bought the pump.

Now, being the thrifty fellow I am, I have never bought construction materials. I have built many many a things, ranging from chairs to a full size working ballista (it shot tennis balls), but have never paid for lumber or nails, or tools, for that matter.

My grandpa was a general contractor, and as such, left behind a large number of tools and materials after he passed away. Although my dad's parents lived with us for the last 15 years, I have never really known them on a terribly personal level. For whatever reason, I only got to know my grandpa after he passed away a few years ago, and of all ways, through his tools. He salvaged everything, from light switch cover panels to roofing nails. There's something about the way he stored all the odds and ends, nuts and bolts in old Macadamia nut cans, or the abundance of the stiff white nylon twine that he used to tie everything together with, that seemed oddly familiar, and oddly familial. I know it sounds corny, but I do feel a connection to him when I build things. With every turn of the hand-powered drill, with every stroke of the vintage Japanese saw, I can imagine my grandpa doing the same thing 50 years ago, back when Hawaii wasn't even a state, building not only houses, but a life for his family. I do feel proud, in an odd way, that I'm carrying on one of the few legacies our family has, even if I'm using it to build a rocket. My grandma gives me strange looks when she sees my projects, but she gave those same looks to my grandpa when he was alive, so I suppose not much as changed between generations.

Back to the rocket launcher. After 4 hours of Junkyard Wars-esque building, I finally assembled my rocket launcher. After hours of looking for a nut that would fit this one bolt, and trying to cut custom metal brackets, I produced this monstrosity:Though not the prettiest thing in the world, it works:

Tomorrow I'll do an actual test shot, since 9:00 at night is not the time to go to the park to try out such things.

Yup, four hours for something I could have bought online, or just decided it was too much work for a summer class I get paid way too little for. There are some moments when I have to stop and ask myself why I bother putting so much effort into these things.

My mom, being the superstitious type that she is, drew my attention to today's horoscopes for Aquarius:

You succeed because you work hard, and the tenacity and sense of purpose you bring to your work is rapidly becoming the stuff of local legend. A significant reward approaches.

Interesting, though such things are pure hokum. I'm taking the horoscope to mean some nice parent will bring me a box of cookies one day. Or a big wad of cash. One can only hope.

Truth be told, I'm really still a little kid at heart that likes to make cool things. This class is as much for my own amusement as it is for the kids. And plus, having my own bottle rocket launch pad will make this a very fun summer.